The Blonde and the Lawyer

The Blonde and the Lawyer

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.”
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you”, and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Adapted from http://www.dizzyboy.com

1. The story tells us about …
a. A plane which a blonde and a lawyer took.
b. A lawyer who played a game with a blonde.
c. A lawyer who bet on something with a blonde.
d. A blonde who was tricked by a lawyer.
e. A blonde who lost her money.

2. What did the lawyer want to play with the blonde?
a. hide and seek
b. chicken limbo
c. jump rope
d. guessing game
e. scrabble

3. What was the rule of the game finally?
a. If the blonde could not answer the lawyer’s question, she paid him $5.00, and vise versa.
b. If the blonde could not answer the question, she should pay $5.00. If the lawyer could not answer her question, he should pay $500.00.
c. If the blonde could not answer the lawyer’s question, she paid him $500.00, and vise versa.
d. If the blonde could not answer the lawyer’s question, she paid him $500.00. If the lawyer could not answer her question, he paid her $5.00.
e. If the lawyer could not answer her question, he paid her $500.00. If the blonde could not answer his question, she did not have to pay him.

4. How much money did the blonde benefit from the game?
a. $5.00
b. $50.00
c. $500.00
d. $510.00
e. $490.00

5. Who was cleverer, the blonde or the lawyer?
a. the blonde
b. the lawyer
c. none of them was clever.
d. Both were clever.
e. They were the same.

6. The word “miffed’ in the last paragraph has the similar meaning to…
a. shy
b. happy
c. generous
d. doubt
e. angry

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By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

A Small Experiment

A Small Experiment

An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there’s a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the living room. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?” No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no response.
Next, he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for supper?”
“Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!”
Adapted from: http://www.writers-free-reference.com
Questions
1. What is the story about?
a. A doctor who had a hard-hearing patient.
b. A doctor who was hard-hearing.
c. A doctor who had a hard-hearing wife.
d. A patient was hard of hearing.
e. A husband who tested his wife’s hearing.

2. Who is the main character of the story?
a. A husband
b. A wife
c. A doctor
d. A patience
e. A nurse

3. Why did the man want to visit the doctor?
a. Because he wanted to have his hearing checked.
b. Because he wanted to check the doctor’s hearing.
c. Because he wanted to have his wife’s hearing checked
d. Because he could not communicate with people at all.
e. Because he did not want to speak to his wife.

4. What did the doctor suggest that he should?
a. Have a simple informal test on his own hearing.
b. Have a simple informal test on his wife’s hearing.
c. Take his wife to the hospital.
d. Take his wife to the doctor.
e. Buy some medicines for his wife.

5. How far did the man stand in the first test?
a. 10 feet
b. 20 feet
c. 30 feet
d. 40 feet
e. 50 feet

6. What question did the man ask his wife?
a. “What’s for breakfast?”
b. “What’s for lunch?”
c. “What’s for dinner?”
d. “What’s for supper?”
e. “What are you cooking?”

7. At what distance did he get the answer?
a. 10 feet
b. 20 feet
c. 30 feet
d. 40 feet
e. 50 feet

8. “Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!”
What does the statement mean?
a. She had cooked chicken five times.
b. She did not hear him.
c. She thought that chicken was great.
d. She had eaten the chicken five times.
e. She had answered his question five times.

9. The word “response” in the story is similar in meaning to …
a. statement
b. question
c. reply
d. confession
e. declaration

10. “So he walks right up behind her”. The word he in the sentence refers to …
a. The doctor
b. The husband
c. The writer
d. The chicken seller
e. The cook

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

Mary

One day I asked Mary to do an exercise on the blackboard. When she got the front of the room, everybody began laughing. Mary would usually take any opportunity to get a laugh, so I was always on guard. This time, though, I really couldn’t see what was so funny. Then I noticed her stockings. She was wearing one red stocking and one blue one.
“What unusual stockings,” I remarked casually to Mary, hoping to stop the laughter by getting in on the joke.
“I’m so glad you like them,” Mary said seriously, “I have another pair at home just like them.”
I saw that this delighted the class even more. I’ve decided not to call on Mary again for some time.

Which of the statements is not true about Mary?
A. Mary was a student
B. Mary was the teacher’s idol
C. Mary usually did something funny
D. Mary liked to laugh in her teacher’s face
E. Mary often made her teacher not be able to cope with her jokes

The main idea of the first paragraph is…
A. Mary’s class was always cheerful
B. Mary often laughed at her teacher
C. The teacher tried to stop Mary making jokes
D. The teacher had a serious problem with Mary
E. Mary was a student who always did funny things

The function of the text is to…
A. entertain the readers
B. retell Mary’s activity
C. describe the writer’s reactions
D. inform Mary about her stockings
E. persuade the readers to read this story

Which of the following shows the writer’s solution to his/her problem?
A. I was always on guard
B. Mary usually takes any opportunity to get a laugh
C. I’ve decided not to call on Mary again for some time
D. This time, though, I really couldn’t see what was so funny
E. One day I asked Mary to do an exercise on the blackboard

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

Penguin in the Park

 

 

           Once, a man was walking in a park when he came across a penguin. He took him to a policeman and said, “I have just found this penguin.  What should I do?”  The policeman replied, “take him to the zoo”

The next day the policeman saw the same in the same park, and the man was still carrying the penguin with him.  The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked. “Why are you still carrying that penguin about?  Didn’t you take t to the zoo?” ‘I certainly did,’ replied the man.

“And it was a great idea because he really enjoyed it, so today I’m taking him to the movies!”

 

1. The text above belongs to…..

      A. spoof

      B. recount

      C. report

      D. news item

      E. narrative

 

2. Where did the man find the penguin?

      A. in a zoo

      B. in a park

      C. in a movie theatre

      D. in a police station

      E. at his home

 

3. Where did the man take the penguin for the first time?

      A. to a park

      B. to a police station

      C. to a zoo

      D. to a movie theatre

      E. to a policeman

 

4. What do you think of the text?

     A. It’s wonderful

     B. It’s frightened

     C. It’s interesting

     D. It’s funny

     E. It’s crazy

 

5. Does the man do the police advice?

     A. Yes, but it is as what the policeman meant

     B. No, but it is as what the policeman meant

     C. Yes, but it is not what the policeman meant

     D. No, but it is not what the policeman meant

     E. Yes, and it is as what the policeman meant

 

6. Why was the man still carrying the penguin the next day?

      Because….

     A. he would take the penguin to the zoo again

     B. he enjoyed bringing the penguin everyday

     C. he found that the penguin enjoyed the zoo

     D. he misinterpreted to what the police said

     E. he found another penguin in the park

 

7. “And it was a great idea because he really enjoyed it, so today I’m

     taking  him to the movies!”

     This part of the text is called…..

     A. twist

     B. event

     C. coda

     D. orientation

     E. re-orientation

 

8. The purpose of the text is…..

     A. to retell events for the purpose of informing

     B. to describe the way things are

     C. to persuade reader that something is the case

     D. to present two different points of view

     E. to retell an event with a humorous twist

 

 

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

CHICKEN FOR DINNER?

 

A landowner from Seoul went to visit his farmer in the countryside and was treated to a grand dinner of boiled chicken.

In the course of the meal, the farmer’s youngest son ran in, shouting, “There it is!  He’s eating the dead chicken.”

The landowner thought that he had been served a long dead chicken.  So he put down his chopsticks and told the servant to clear the table, politely saying, “This is enough for me.  My stomach can’t take any more food.”

Just then, the boy started eating the chicken’s leg greedily saying at the same time, “Oh, this is really delicious.”

“Why are you eating the dead chicken?” asked the surprised landowner

“Who eats live chicken?” replied the boy

 

1. What text type is it?

     A. spoof

     B. procedure

     C. narrative

     D. description

     E. report

 

2. Where was the landowner from?

     A. Jakarta

     B. Seoul

     C. Countryside

     D. Tokyo

     E. Beijing

 

3. Who was shouting?

     A. The landowner

     B. The landowner’s youngest son

     C. The farmer’s oldest son

     D. The farmer

     E. The farmer’s youngest son

 

4. How did the landowner tell the farmer that he had enough food?

     A. angrily

     B. politely

     C. rudely

     D. harshly

     E. happily

 

5. Why did the boy shout, “There it is!  He’s eating the dead chicken.”?

     A. because he didn’t want to eat the boiled chicken

     B. because he didn’t want the landowner to stop eating the boiled chicken

     C. because he wanted to eat live chicken

     D. because he wanted to eat the boiled chicken

     E. because he wanted his father to eat the boiled chicken

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

Al Brown

        Al Brown was very good at fixing things around the house when they broke. One day he went to another city to do some work there, and his wife was alone in the house. While Mr. Brown was away, one of the faucets on the bathtub broke. Mrs. Brown didn’t know much about fixing broken faucets, so she telephoned a plumber.

       The plumber came to the house that afternoon and fixed the faucet in few minutes. When he finished, he gave Mrs. Brown his bill for the work.

       She looked at it for several seconds and then said, “Your prices are very high, aren’t they? Do you know, the doctor costs less than this when he comes to the house?”

       “Yes, I know,” answered the plumber.”  I know that very well, because I was a doctor until I was lucky enough to find this job a few months ago.”

 

1.      The text mainly tells us about ……

a.       Al Brown visited  to another city

b.       the payment of the doctor’s visit

c.       the broken faucet of Mrs. Brown’s bathtub

d.       the disappointment of Mrs. Brown about the bill given

e.       An unexpected incidents experienced by Mrs. Brown

 

2.      Which of the following sentences is TRUE according to the text?

a.       The plumber was smart

b.       Al Brown went to the village to work

c.       The plumber charged Mrs. Brown cheaply

d.       Mrs. Brown was skillful in fixing broken faucet

e.       Mrs. Brown called Mr. Brown to fix the broken faucet

 

3.      “The plumber came to the house that afternoon.” (paragraph 2)

      The underlined word means ……

       a.  making handicraft

       b. repairing vehicles

      c. operating computers

      d. fixing washing machines

      e. fitting pipes into building

 

4.      The type of the text above is ……

        a. report

        b. recount

        c. anecdote

        d. narrative

        e. descriptive

 

5.      What is the communicative purpose of the text?

a.       To share an amusing story with others

b.       To inform readers about Mrs. Brown’s problem

c.       To present two points of view about the plumber’s issue

d.       To describe the plumber’s experience in fixing broken faucets

e.       To persuade readers to be concerned with Mr. Brown’s case

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof

Ferocious Lion

 

 

Bert was telling his friend, Justin, about his Safari Trip in Africa.  “I came face to face with a ferocious lion.  He was snarling, showing me his long sharp teeth.  He was literally salivating at seeing me.  Man!  I’d never been so scared before.”

“Wow!  I’m glad I wasn’t in your shoes!  So what happened next?  Did you shoot him?”

“No, I didn’t have my gun with me.”

“You didn’t?  Oh, man!  That was really dumb.”

“Yeah, it was so stupid of me.  Anyway, there I stood alone, without gun.  The lion crept closer and closer and closer….  and I ….” Bert stopped and heaved a deep sigh, impatiently, Justin cried, “Come on, man!  What did you do?”

His pal shrugged his shoulders and said, “What could I do?  I moved on to the next cage.”

 

1.  Who are the participants of the story?

      A. lion

      B. Safari trip

      C. Africa

      D. Ferious

      E. Bert and Justin

 

2.  Where does the setting of the story above?

A.   USA

B.   Germany

C.   Africa

D.   Indonesia

E.   China

 

3.  Why was Bert afraid in his safari trip?

      A. he was lost in the jungle

      B. the primitive tribe caught him

      C. he was alone

      D. a ferocious lion came close to him

      E. he had an aircraft accident

 

4.  How did the story ended?

      A. happy

      B. humiliate

      C. annoying

      D. embarrassing

      E. funny

 

5.  What kind of genre does the text above belong to?

       A.descriptive

       B. narrative

       C. analytical exposition

       D. hortatory exposition

       E. spoof

 

6.  His pal shrugged his shoulders and said, “What could I do?  I moved on to the next cage.”

The sentence above belongs to…..

      A. reorientation

      B. event

      C. twist

      D. recommendation

      E. argument

 

 

By Ely Wulandari Maulana Posted in Spoof